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Exclusive Toilet Paper Holder (18SX+)

Author:

Do you guys know what I like about design? Design makes everything possible. Think about it. Designers might be one of the occupation closest to becoming God. No disrespect to any religious extremist, but designers had done many things to make life much better for humans. Without designers, do you guys think it is possible to impress girls with your Ferarri, a dildo for self pleasure, condoms for keeping unwanted trouble or even the bloody underwear you are wearing to protect your balls?


What I am about to share with you guys is a toilet roll holder design which is so exclusive and unique to me and probably you need to be a freaking billionaire to own one of these. All credits should be given to the designer for coming out with this design. Designers are well respected by many unconsciously or consciously. Why? Take a look at this.

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A toilet paper holder with the toilet paper coming out from the asshole. I bet most of you guys are laughing right now. This picture explains exactly why designers are well respected unconsciously and consciously. When a normal person draws an asshole, we will look at it as a perversion and that retard is nothing but a low class pervert. When a designer draws an asshole? Unique and freaking creative design, we love it even it sticks like an ass.

Look at the picture carefully. It is written 100% recycled. Are they referring to the toilet paper or holder? How the hell they gonna recycle an ass? If they do, this shit got to be expensive. that’s why I said it is an exclusive product. Imagine what people could do with it besides taking out tissue. Hm…I wonder and I could picture this, a little girl asking her dad, “Daddy, why are you humping the wall” and he replies “Coz your mom don’t do anal!!”

What else could happen? Any suggestion or comments?

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 4

Author:

For the rest on the “Idiots At Their Best Series”, check here. I personally named this post SHIT HAPPENS.
To start off, I confess that I took pleasure in laughing at idiots. Before you judge me, I’m gonna clarify that the idiot who I laughed at the most is none other than me myself. It’s true that I laugh at myself and I do tell out my embarrassing stories at times to keep people happy. So, to be fair to all the idiots I blogged about in my past series, I’m gonna blog about myself on this one.

There are many idiotic things I had done before in my life so I just gonna share 3 stories with you guys today. I do not mind embarrassing myself once awhile for I believe people only truly learns and progress when they learn to laugh at themselves.

Story No.1


Do anyone of you guys hate ants? I don’t actually hate bugs but recently ants had been getting on my nerves. My hatred towards them when they start infesting my room with no good reasons. Despite me wiping the table countless of times, they just keep coming. I do not know why for I am not diabetic or I kept way too many sweet stuff in my room. Probably coz I’m a sweet guy myself so I don’t really know. *Yeah, I can guess eyes are rolling now*

So when I was just typing away on my previous lesbian post, I was drinking Starbucks bottled coffee at the same time. I unconsciously left the bottle open despite having about a quarter left while I’m busy arranging photos. I blame it on the hot lesbian actions that made me so distracted that I didn’t know ants had already infested my bloody coffee that time. So without any hesitation, I drank only after 10 minutes leaving it alone and guess what? I felt something crawling in my mouth. I GULP IT AND ONLY REALIZED ANTS ARE ALL OVER MY BOTTLE. You can imagine what disaster happen next with me cursing loudly in my hostel while rushing over to wash my hands and mouth. I rinse my mouth to found out more than 10 bloody ants there. Who knows how many I had swallowed. I guess that’s the loudest moment I yelled “MCB!! FUCK!!!!!!”

Story No.2

Another animal I really fucking hate are cats. Although I’m a dog person but I did not held any grudges or hatred towards cats before not until this incident happen. My hostels are infested with cats. When I say infested, it doesn’t mean one or two but definitely more than 10. So, naturally these creatures will just walk right around our hostel area and basically rummage through the rubbish bins and shit everywhere in the hostel area. My roommate at that time did post up several notice to remind the hostel mates to close the door to prevent cats from entering and making the mess out of the premise. However, I do not understand why these fucking idiots can’t read simply English and often ignores it.


Then one day, one of those cats decided to give me a little gift. I think it should actually directed towards my roommate that time since he dislikes cats and often kicks them to chase them out while I didn’t do anything to them. But somehow, I got a bit luckier than he did. A fucking cat decides to shit in front of my room early in the morning. I woke up half awake due to lack of sleep and just blindly walk out of my room. And I stepped those fucking hot steamy shit BAREFOOTED. The only thing that prevents me from cursing “KNNBCCB” loudly and taking every available objects preferably durians to throw at every single fucking living cats in that hostel is my roommate is still asleep. That lucky bastard got away despite treating cats like that. He do reads my blog and should be laughing his ass off right now.

Story No.3

Have you ever saw a complete stranger that looks exactly like someone you knew? I am often being misunderstood as a senior in my high school and I always get a certain unwanted attention from it. I might say we two really look similar and I guess none will suspect anything if we claim we are brothers.

Once, I saw a person who resembles my friend who I had not met for several years. I thought of going over to say hi and be polite because we used to be very close. You guys must think that these sort of things happen often where you apologize quickly. Not in my situation. Having a playful nature really do drags me towards the lowest point of humiliation. Guess what I did? I went over his back, slap his ass and place my hand around his shoulder thinking acting gay might be a good ice breaker. That guy was not only shocked but also terrified that I’m gay and I’m about to rape him.

Imagine that awkward moment. Even though I quickly apologize after realizing my mistake, I had that person thinking that I’m gay. Imagine the awkward moment. Can that awkwardness be any stronger? Apparently it can. I had to stay there to wait for my friend while he had to stay there to wait for his. I had to walk to another place after 10 minutes being there and call my friend to meet up at another spot. I bet that guy still thinks I’m gay. Awkwardness and misunderstanding at their best.

That’s all for now, I guess. There are many more idiotic moments of myself. may be when I feel like humiliating myself, then I will post them in the future. Signing off.

The Underwear Story

Author:

Sometimes the weirdest things happens. By weirdest, I really do mean the screwed up type weird. Apparently, there is an underwear thief here in Universiti Teknologi Malaysia. Why? Look at this notice below.


Yeah, I know that some might think that this is common and might not seem weird to you people that there are underwear thieves around. So, let me point to you guys why this is weird.

1. I lived in a all-boys and only boys allowed hostel and this notice is in one of my hostel’s laundry lobby.


Who the fuck in the right mind will go and steal underwear from the same bloody sex? And according to this notice, it seems like underwear stealing in my hostel is a HABIT. Seriously, I do not know that any guys and even gays will think of stealing underwear from other people of the same sex.

No matter how kinky their mind is in, there’s no bloody difference in the underwears among guys no matter what freaking brand they are. Very few guys have fancy underwear worth stealing. Unlike girls, we look like shit in underwear.

Living in this conservative environment, I doubt there will be even guys that wear thong so I assume that all the underwears here are the same. Is either that thief is a sick dude or just really need to sell some under to make a quick buck.

2. The warning

Look at the warning. “Be ware, anda diperhatikan”. What the hell with this warning? Should we piss our pants when we saw that message? That’s so kindergarden standard of treat. If I’m the one who made the notice, I will come out with these warnings.

1. I have AIDS, steal my underwear bitch if you have balls of steel
2. I masturbated with these on, steal them if you don’t mind
3. No point stealing, my package is too big and you definitely won’t be able to wear my underwear
4. I wipe my ass with these

Now that’s what I call proper warnings. I don’t have AIDS FYI, so don’t get the wrong idea when I mentioned that. Besides the no.3, there is no truth in any of them.

That’s all for some random crap from me again after a week long in hiatus. My advice for underwear thief, if you not have any underwear for yourself, go freeballing la…better for you la…make your package bigger..LMAO

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 3

Author:

Ok…Just in case any of you guys missed the initial Part 1 and Part 2, and hence had nothing else better to do and wanted to read about it…Below are the links for you

Part 1
Part 2

This post will question you people what is the lamest or funniest pick up attempts anyone witnessed? I know more guys will end up commenting on this topic like most I’ve seen. Some of them wanted to impress girls by proclaiming how lame those attempts were and some wanted to prove to girls that not all guys are retards. I’ve seen one attempt by a guy who tried to pick up my friend.


I left the 3 poor girls alone while I talk to mine at the time on the phone. And that guy eventually go up to them and try to get to know them a little. When I got back, that guy was standing over my seat while trying his best not to choke on himself by speaking in mandarin. Unfortunately for him, all the 3 friends of mine were bananas like me and they know nuts about mandarin. the best ever line that one of them come out with is “We don’t know mandarin”.

As soon as i got back my seat, that guy apparently tried to speak in english but end up failing badly but he is still persistent. And this 3 girls are giving me a stare with indicates “Why the fuck are you keeping quiet? Say something and make him go away.” but I was being a jackass totally enjoying how the whole event turns out. Finally, I lied to him that we are from Singapore and we won’t be staying here for long. Before he left he shoke my friends’ hand by introducing each other but when he went over to mine, I struck the sword through his heart by saying this.

Haiya, guys no need wan la. Girls enough la. You also not interested

You should look how he blushed and try to explain himself. Ok, I am a jackass at times. But you got to give him effort for trying. I thought that was actually quite admirable of him except being screwed by me at the end. But the main point of this post is not this, sorry if I made you read so long for nuts. Like I said, I’m a jackass.

There is this guy who is in the same university as me really open up a new chapter in impressing the ladies. We had this co-curriculum activity called “trekking” which involves the students who signed up to go for some dumb camping trip. The people that told me this (I don’t label them as friends because not really close) said that this guy had a unique way of trying to impress the ladies which is……

Talking to a goat…

Of coz, he can’t speak goat unless the goat had a supernatural ability to speak English and respond to this..

“Yo, yo brother wassup. Long time no see bla bla bla” (he really did say that)

Ok, unless he’s really related to goats or THAT goat in particular, I can’t see which part of this attempt will land you girls. Besides landing you the label of “retard”, I don’t think anyone will be impressed by that. The group of people behind him just trying very hard not to laugh and the girls reportedly trying very hard not to laugh as well. Not laughing him for being cute or charming but laughing him for his stupidity.

Did he get to know any girls from that attempt? If he had, then he would not have appear in this post. I do not have the picking up girls skills to laugh at him but that definitely isn’t even near brilliant. So much for being creative.

That’s all from me this time. Do leave a comment on what you regard the latest attempt you saw or experienced or done. Wait…I shouldn’t request that since more guys will commentinstead of girls…LOL

Occupation Theme Songs

Author:

Well, I seriously think that every occupation needed a theme song. You know, to add up the spice to everyday life. Things would definitely get interesting. Schools have their own anthem to start off their day, dramas and movies have their own theme song and also not to forget every countries’ national anthem. So think I should come out with several theme songs for these few jobs.

1. Waiter/Waitress

The Moffats-I’ll be there for you
I’ll be there for you~When you need somebody~I’ll be there for you~You call me I’ll be there

Customer: Ane!!! Mau Order!!
Waiter: OK Boss….Coming~

2. Taxi Driver

N’Sync-You Drive Me Crazy
You Drive Me Crazy~Why are you messing with my mind~you drive me crazy~why are you telling all these lies

Uncle: Eh, Want taxi? Here got.
Heng:Uncle, here Pudu go Pearl Point how much ah?
Uncle: RM25
Heng: Wah…so expensive….I usually sit around 10 with taxi meter k?
Uncle: Where got such thing? Impossible la..
Heng: Neva mind la….Thanks anyway…I wanna go take taxi that has a meter
Uncle: Now where got people use taxi with meter wan…If want taxi with meter then you must bring your own meter….You got? Don’t have then no meter lo..
Heng: …….(further walks down a few streets with me and found a taxi with meter that charge RM12)

3. Traffic Police

A1-One More Try
Please give me one more try for the sake of our love~Please give me one more chance..

Traffic Police: Apa satu chance lagi? Bagi you semua one more chance dan saya no chance makan tau? NAH ambik saman RM300 ni….Mau mintak chance pulak….

4. Magnum 4D/Toto Agent

Ghostbuster Theme Song
When there’s something strange~In your neighbourhood~Who you gonna call?

Aunty: Harlo….Ah Kau ah? Just now I see hor…got one cat go rape one dog hor….I already go check and “kaw kaw” the Choi San Yeh ah for the number ah…help me buy this number ah…XXXX…RM 10 big RM 10 small….XXXX you know? Don’t buy wrong ah? If not I no kena then my turn rape you.
Ah Kau: Aunty, pressure le…..

5. Government Servant
Wu Yan Bing-Waiting for you
I’m waiting for~Waiting for you~Waiting for you to get my jobs done

*picture could not be displayed due to not making any judgement on any department*

G.S: You tunggu sekejab….
A: Er…Mau berapa lama?
G.S: Mau sampai dah….beberapa orang lagi saja

(After 30 minutes)

A: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

(After 1 hour)

A:ZZZZZZZZZZZ*huh? my turn liao?

(After 5 minutes)

G.S: Nah….sekarang u tunggu satu minggu untuk surat

(After 1 week)

A: Eh…Sudah ok ah?
G.S: Belum la….Sorry yah…Mau beberapa hari lagi..
A: &*!^#$*^!@#&*$(@$*()!

Fortunately, this matter is getting better….hopefullly this won’t happen anymore

Well, that’s some random craps from me. Hope you guys enjoy it. Please leave a comment if you guys have anything in mind regarding this matter. Till then, signing off.

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 2

Author:

This is one of the funniest incident that I’ve heard in my whole life. My brother told me this story for quite some time ago and even before I started this blog. So, I do not know the actual conversation but only a rough wan. But what I’m about to write really happened and I’m not shitting anyone about this unless my brother conned me about the truth of this story. I do not know the people involved here but I hope you guess will enjoy this story as I do.

This 2 friends were in a trip to somewhere which required quite a long journey and I assume they were in some “kampung-like” place. As they were driving along, the following incident took place.

A: Dude, I wanna tell you something
B: What?
A: I feel like shitting..
B: What the fuck?? We just passed by the petrol station. Why don’t you say earlier la…
A: Haiyo…That time no feel yet ma…Seriously, I want to shit already
B: We gonna reach our destination in 30 minutes time. Tahan la.. Now cannot see any place with toilet also..
A: Fuck..I cannot tahan liao…Stop roadside for me settle la…
B: Ok ok..I don’t want shit smell in my car also..

B stopped his car by the road side while A get off and settle his business. 5 minutes later, A came calling to B while still covering himself.

A: Eh, you got tissue with you ah?
B: Huh? Don’t have le. My car no tissue le.
A: What the fuck? How am I gonna wipe my ass?
B: Use leaf la. So many.
A: Fuck you. The leaf so small. Not big enough la. And I cannot find any dried leaves nearby.
B: Shit. how ah?

Pause momentarily…

B: Eh, you got RM 1 with you right now?

A: Got ah..Why? Here where got shop sell toilet paper wor?
B: Haiya…Not ask you go buy toilet paper la..
A: Huh? Then? wait….You mean…….What the fuck…Need or not? Money le….
B: If not? What to do? No tissue la. That’s your only choice. Use already then wash. Can use back lo…..
A: Fuck la…Sure or not…I dunno about this…Using money le…
B: then? You wanna leave your ass unwipe ah? What other choice do you have? You got better choice then you say out la.
A: Arghhhh…Fuck it…Ok ok, I’ll do it

Moments passed and A came limping back..

A: Eh, Dude…RM1 not enough le
B: RM 1 not enough then use another RM 1 or use RM 5 lo…..What so hard wor?
A: FUCK YOU LA..WHERE GOT SO MANY SMALL CHANGE?
B:?!?!?!?!?!?

Apparently A had used this….

Instead of using RM 1 notes to wipe, he used 2 50 cents coin to scrap the shits off his ass hole and ass crack. Naturally, B laughed his ass off while screwing his friend for doing that. After the whole ordeal, they went to a restaurant. They cleaned the money up and uses them on the spot. I would not want to go where they had went…

Creative people finding a whole new meaning and usage of money.

P.S: The whole incident really took place and I did not made this up. The actual comversation might not be fully correct but it is 100% identical in terms of contents and meaning. I just retold the thing according to how I remembered my brother told me. hope you people enjoy this posts.

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 1

Author:

The world is full of idiots. I’m serious when I made this statement. How often do you people grumble at the sight of an idiot or a slightest hint of idiotic behavior shown by your peers? Everyone is an idiot including ME. I’m not trying to make a statement where everyone is an idiot except me…I’m a realist and I speak what I think is more likely the case to be rather than drowning myself in delusions. I think it is a good share among my fellow readers regarding idiots or idiotic event that occurs in my everyday life.

For part 1, I’m gonna share with you people an encounter with an idiot which eventually become a punchline joke among Soon, Heng and me. This is how the encounter goes.

As we were walking around the newly opened Jusco in Taman Bukit Indah, we came across a Phiten retail outlet. For those ignorant people out there( Don’t worry, I was one ), Phiten had invented these type of bracelets, necklace, straps and so on that will balance your mind and body. It draws out the maximum potential of your ability which means you can play sports better, carrying things much easier, able to maintain freshness and hopefully FUCK better. Basically it balances the charge around your body and prevents fatigue from occuring too often.

This is Phiten…

Datuk Lee Chong Wei wore them…See the necklace?

Being a bunch of curious Industrial Design students, we decided to walk in to inquire about the product and also hopefully know how the hell a bloody string can help us do so much. I was hoping for something more. May be this could eventually lead to MULTIPLE ORGASM that men could not achieve? May be I could fuck for hours and have no problem bedding more than 5 women at once? May be I could make my mark as a legendary pornstar that could fuck for hours and filmed 10 different porn movies in a day? If I found out the secret, I could eventually create my own brand and distribute them to porn stars? Yeah, I could hear you guys yelling at me for being an idiot but it’s nothing compare to what happen next.

I broke the multi-million question to that guy and the conversation goes like this….(the actual conversation is in Mandarin but I am a banana..translate the whole thing to Mandarin and it would be much nicer)

Me: What is the technology behind all these products?

Promoter: Pardon? What were you asking? (either my Mandarin was bad or his Mandarin was bad too)

Heng: What is the technology that make people who wear this can be like that? In terms of engineering and material, what make them possible? We want to know what kind of technology is it….

Promoter: Oooohhhh…(and I QUOTE) Technology is Technology

We: Huh?!?

Promoter: Technology is technology…I explain to you all also you all won’t understand. It waste our time….So we just call it TECHNOLOGY……(smiles and smirk as though he just struck an lottery)

We: ……..

Heng: Yeah, that’s why i ask….what technology?

Promoter: Technology is technology….There is no definite explanation, that’s why we call it technology

We figure it’s impossible to converse anymore…Heng continues to entertain him while I walk off….This IDIOT is a fucking pro and genius is using his idiotic reasoning to make us feel like COMPLETE IDIOTS……I feel like a complete idiot for even asking…There goes my quest for men’s multiple orgasm…….

The truth behind Batman’s coarse voice

Author:


I wonder why do Bruce Wayne wanted to change his voice to a coarse tone every time he changes into the night crusader, Batman. Seriously, with his face covered like that, isn’t it enough to fool people? Clark Kent merely take off his nerd glasses and comb his hair backwards……wah lah….no one recognizes him and even Louis Lane….She was even shocked to learn that Superman was indeed Clark Kent… Wooooo….BIG Surprise with a BRILLIANT Disguise!!!

Although changing his tone to much coarse sounding tone, people could have just analyze his tone and with little time, they could detect the voice belongs to wavelength…changing into a coarse tone won’t change Michael Jackson to Clint Eastwood…

Soft sounding King Of Pop….May he rest in peace…Mr. Clint Eastwood with his coarse and tough guy sounding voice..

Besides that, with the wealth and technology that Bruce Wayne has…It wouldn’t be too difficult to invent a voice changing machine…having the Batmobile invented, I do not think that would be much of a problem either…

BUT!!!!!!

What if the voice wasn’t intended for it to be like that?

What if there was no intention or need to change the voice at all?

What if the voice changing wasn’t part of the plan AT ALL??????

WHAT IF BRUCE WAYNE DID NOT EVEN TO CHANGE TO HIS VOICE AT ALL BUT COULDN’T HELP IT THAT HIS TONE CHANGED?????

The mystery was FINALLY UNCOVERED WHEN I SAW WHAT COULD BE BRUCE WAYNE’S BIGGEST SECRET OF ALL TIME OTHER THAN THE IDENTITY OF THE NIGHT CRUSADER, BATMAN!!!!


BATMAN LOVES TO HAVE A BIG STICK SHOVED UP HIS ARSE!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, after seeing this is in SUMMIT USJ today(I didn’t know the Bat Cave was nearby!!!!)…I couldn’t help but think how this may contribute to his voice…WITH THAT STICK UP YOUR ARSE, I bet there will be a lot of screaming that needs to be done….After all night of screaming, I guess it sure do will affect your throat somehow….I BET Alfred has a hand in helping it up there…The conversation should go like this….

Bruce: Alfred, could you give me a hand?
Alfred: Master Bruce, you want me to do “that” again???
Bruce: Yes, Alfred….ooohhhh how i crave for it….COME Alfred, Let’s not wait shall we??
Alfred: Er…Whatever you need, Master Bruce…

The following Content will be Parental Advisory…Please do not proceed reading if you are a minor, a sensitive Batman fan who could not tolerate this kind of crap from me or someone who finds this post a waste of time…..Thank you

Alfred walks up to Bruce Wayne who already had his pants down and arse facing upwards. Alfred flung out THE BAT STICK!!!!! Then will all his might, he blessed Bruce Wayne’s Arse with it…..And Bruce goes….

Bruce: ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSS ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH URRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Alfred: Do you like that Master Bruce? Is the size and tempo right?

BRUCE: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGG YESSSSSS ALFREEEDDD YESSSSSSS THAT’S RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SHHIIIIITTTTTTTT, THE BAT SIGNAL!!!!!! FUCK THE TIMING!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, they said shit happens during the most unlikely time…..Therefore, I conclude that Batman’s throat was bloody SORE from all the screaming…Most of the time he must have rushed dressing up, which explains why he WEARS his underwear on the outside…..Since he love the sensation of getting his arse filled so much…..he dressed with that thing still very well up his hole…..Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk…..

The view of Batman Coming Out from his dressing area with something still very well misplaced….Guess he will remove it after getting his cape on…Wonder what those kids will think playing around this place ESPECIALLY on that BAT STICK….

The Misunderstood Stereotype

Author:

It has always been a fact that I’m always being misunderstood. I’ve been misunderstood by people from all walks of life in my whole life and what’s first appear to be annoyance turn out to be something I’m proud of. My outlook had projected so many types of stereotypes that I don’t even belong to and some of them even said they don’t judge a book by its cover. I’ve never met anyone that had been more often being misunderstood than myself. Therefore, this post should dedicate to myself and also to enlighten my fellow readers with a bit of comedy of my life.

1.Serious and cool
I think the most misunderstood part of me is that I’m a serious and cool person from the first sight. A BIG NO for you people who had a single thought of that. I can be as wacky, crazy, joker, and outgoing person as u dare me to be. I’ve made tonnes of sarcastic jokes, comments, insults and also not to mention unlimited supply of pranks and punch lines that people would not believe i made them when they first met me. My dumbshits include insulting a “gangster” sarcastically openly in a class while everyone is looking, cutting up a sanitary pad for fun(it was given free at school, curiosity took over and a friend of mine threw it from 4th floor to ground floor in front of the discipline teacher), threwing firecrackers into a house way past midnight, playing with school fire extinguishers, scratching ppl’s car and many more which i shall not reveal for now….I’m a prankster, joker, insulter or whatever thatn links me up with sarcasm…

2.Malay, Gangster, VCD seller, bla bla bla bla
Seriously I’m always mistaken as a Malay when i used to work in Fajar…My fucking nametag was there and people smehow did not bother to look at it before start speaking to me… My name is written Lee Huangshi and not Mohd Lee bin something something…I admit i was dark that time and my fluency of BM was not of the normal Chinese Ah Bengs…That doesn’t mean I’m Malay..8 out of 10 Chinese customers will speak to me in BM without much hesitation and being a playful nature myself, I replied back to them in BM…When I brought their shoes over to the counter, I spoke to them in Cantonese and the look on their face…PRICELESS…Imagine how shock they were spending half an hour speaking totally broken BM with countless long stops in between words, asking me countless times do I understand them, USING HAND SIGNALS to convey their message and I remembered one deliberately ask her daughter to communicate with me which end up the daughter shoot her back by saying I’m a chinese and why the heck need to converse in BM….

This picture taken before I quit the job in Fajar to study Form 6..Do I look like a Malay? zzz

I remembered some of my tuition friends and Form 6 friends thought I was some kind of problem child, gangster, otai or whatever u called it within the first glance….They do not dare to approach me and even curious why their friend which is my good friend also…be able to mix so well with me…Apparently they too became my good friends hahahahahaha
Once a police look at my driver’s license and IC then…

Police A : Ini…..tak pernah buat apa-apa salah kan?
Me : Huh? Tak ( In my heart yelling WTF!! CB!! )
Police A : Oooo…Photo dalam lesen handsome sangat la.. hahaha
Me : *forcing a sarcastic smile*……..(I’m a master of sarcasm and I knew a sarcasm when I heard one)

This picture was made in hurry with photoshop as Devella wanted to view it so badly..Guess she’s too freaking excited on how screwed up i look hahaha
After i came out of prison(it’s a joke just in case someone really thought so), THIS IS how i currently look like….gained some weight, change the bloody hairstyle, shaved….most importantly.. I SMILED XD hahahaha

DVD sellers…Although I did not dye my hair blonde like most of the DVD Ah Bengs did nor carry a porch bags(I didn’t do it that time…not now)……I was browsing through DVD and customer do approach me to request for the titles…There was once…PORN…That uncle came over to ask…”nice ah this one? how much?”….

3. Smoker
I seriously do not think how the hell that we can detect a smoker just by outlook….We see people in suits smoking, Ah Beng smoking, Nerd smoking and the list goes on….How the fuck people find it hard to believe I don’t smoke? I do not carry a lighter or a ciggarette box, my lips are fine red…There was once a Malay girl came into my store request me for a lighter which I told her the truth I don’t have one…She got stunned and ask if i smokes which i replied no….I SERIOUSLY NOT BULLSHITTING that she STARED at me without saying ANYTHING for the next 10 seconds….I too was stunned by her action and she only LEAVE when i assure to her AGAIN that I don’t smoke..I am sure I do not have a problem saying I don’t smoke…The expression she made as though I just told her I’m her mother or some shit…

4.I can’t speak English or I can’t speak Mandarin or Cantonese
When I speak to people in English, they thought I’m pure banana…FYI, I am only a half-breed banana…I can bloody understand when u are insulting me in mandarin and especially cantonese(incidents happen at Fajar again)….People who i start conversing with mandarin from the beginning i met them, having a hard to time to accept that I could speak fluently in English(you know who you are and i know you are reading this but u r not the only one haha)…

5.I’m not a pro in English or Mandarin either…
Just because i happens to speak Mandarin but that doesn’t mean I could read them…My boss’s daughters( 8 and 9 years old respectively ) ask ME, the fucking half-breed banana to test their MANDARIN skills…I was like wtf…I couldn’t even recognize more than 20 Chinese characters and how the fuck am I going to teach them..I told them countless time that I do not know and they took quite a long time accepting it…Cute girls though….Same goes for people who do not believe i just started speaking less than 2 years…
And just because I could write long essays, that doesn’t mean I’m a fucking walking dictionary..Don’t shocked when I do not know the word that you dunno…I’m only human and i guess since u can not know it then why i can’t be the same? My English is not as good as many thought I am even my family members =.=… Just slightly above average…I can only speak decent enough to differentiate me from normal Ah Bengs…It’s already hilarious enough that I somehow dunno how look like one, I do not need my language to be like one too…T.T

That’s all from me..Hope you guys enjoyed it…Not much picture to post coz lazy to upload with such a slow internet connection…lol

About The Blogger

I'm a digital marketeer, visual story teller and designer who is determined to live my life to the fullest.

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