Thought of doing another post first but I go ahead with this post as I felt inspired to blog about this. Do you ever realized that in our lives, that there will be two type of people that will be extremely closed to you? I do realize that and in fact, I believed it happens to most people I knew even without them realizing it. I’m not sure whether I’m correct or not but this is definitely what I think it is. I call them the Mirror and the Shadow.
It’s more like an mirror image of us. it can be your family, friend or lover. But you two have so much in common, it feels that you are his/her duplicate or mirror image. I think it is a mirror image because it shows what you are. it shows what you possess and what you project to everyone. It reflects what you want people to see and what people see in you. Having a friend/lover like your mirror image, you guys share the same passion, interest, thoughts and everything else that matters.
To me, a shadow is like a hidden or lost part of you. Since shadow is black and featureless, to me, it represents what that couldn’t be seen by others. It could be what you do not want others to see or what you had forgotten about yourself. We do have someone important in our lives who has a total opposite character from us right? Despite so many differences, we can’t seem to get ourselves away from them and find it that each time we tries, we eventually went back to them?
So I guess this had definitely provoke some thoughts within and let you guys wondering which type do your lover or best friend belongs to? They can be both at the same time but I think it is very rare for that to happen. I’m talking about personality and character and not interest here.
Recently, I encountered my shadow. I guess most of you guys know who am I talking about. Yes, it is Caroline. To be honest, she is a complete opposite of me. If the both of us are in a fairy tale, she would be the fairy godmother and I’ll be the devil or witch. And to be honest again, I tried to avoid falling for her when I started to develop some feelings due to reasons only known to me and her. And to be honest again, i never ever thought of being end up with her or even have a beginning with her. I only treated her like a close friend of mine and at most like a sister. But it’s funny how things tend to go against us in life right?
I never refrained myself for getting involved with someone so much before. When I started to give in and decided to confess, to tell the truth, I wasn’t hoping for anything but rejection. In fact, I would welcome a rejection as it would put me into much ease with the guilt. However, she caught me completely off guard when she told me she felt the same. I was confused, scared, happy and shocked at the same time. Confused of what to do next, scared of what will happen in the future or my bad history to repeat itself, happy and shocked because…well…I need not to elaborate on that. But after some considerations, I realized I do not want to give up on an opportunity. I would not want to spend my future regretting for not making the best out of it. And hence, here we are. I never regretted that decision I made and I hope she won’t regret it as well.
As happy as I can be, but I’m also equally worried. I have a lot of “Shadows” in my life and very few “Mirrors”. Which explains why I initially wished for a “Mirror” to be my one. All the shadows I met, are close to me as I provide them views that are totally opposite to theirs and it helps them to look clearly ahead in life. However, Carol has not been the same. I offer her help and advice when she asked for it and I never expect anything in return from her. Probably the only thing I expect from her is only her friendship like how the other shadows are. I did not think that she understand me well enough because she’s not my mirror.
I wanted a mirror in my life for several reasons. I can have someone I can relate to and someone that would share the same views with me towards everything. However, Carol made me realize one thing that only a Shadow of me can provide. A Shadow that will make me realize that there is light. A mirror reflects the light in your life away while a shadow could only exist if a light source is present.
Her kindness and laughter made me realize that there are more things to look forward to in life. I’m bitter and lonely within actually and she make me realize there’s no need to keep to myself. I never really started a conversation with her last time but she kept looking for me for company made me happy. the next thing i know, i couldn’t stop talking to her. As funny as this shadow can be, she is also my light source and keeps reminding me that there are someone that actually would talk to me and made me happy without asking for anything in return or being asked to. I’m pretty sure she does this to everyone but I never had anyone quite like her in my life.
I never really tell her all this much I guess because she didn’t ask me to and I am quite shy actually contrary to what most might think. To be honest, I really do not know what does she see in me. I’m not ridiculously good looking or rich. I do not think I’m a good boyfriend either because if I am one good bf, why would my ex dump me for a jerk? I do not think I could provide the safety she need and I definitely do not think I am financially able to support her for now. Trust me, these are important. And I can’t help but to compare myself to the guys that had been in her life or still hanging around her. Because logically, I should be last in her list. Because I’m rude, as in curse a lot, which is something she really hates. More often than not, I offend people with my blog and words. And I am never the type that would pass much compliment to a lady and in fact, the both of us argue a lot when we are friends. I can just be myself and make her laugh, something which I do to everyone and also I think one of the most basic rule in flirting. But trust me, I never ever flirt with her when we are friends. You can ask her. Probably I only flirt with her by telling her my honest opinion and care for her.
However, somehow good things come unexpected. I’m happy with her and in fact very happy. I am actually capable of smiling and laughing together with her all the time. Honestly, being with her, is the only time I truly felt loved and appreciated. Even in my past, I never felt like that before. Probably because she is the only one who is not afraid of letting people know about us and did not for once judge me by my looks. I’m sick of people developing pre-assumptions of me which are wrong most of the time and she’s the only one so far that rarely judges me. She did a lot of sweet stuff and surprises to melt my heart. Despite having a tough exterior, I’m a total sucker for gf to be that sweet. Let’s just say she made me her love her so much in such a short period of time. There are a lot of things that makes me fall for her but I guess I’ll keep that as a little secret between me and her. Thanks for loving me and I love you as well. Hope you are happy with me. I might not be perfect for you but I’ll try my best for you. Definitely.