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Tribute to All Asian Poser And Camwhores

Author:

I saw this video posted by SY in his facebook and I think the video is worth sharing among people especially camwhores and posers. I think this was specially made for fun and also it is a great production.

While waiting for the mockumentary video to load finish, these are the few screenshots from the video.


First of all, why the fuck would some very very chinese looking dude came with such a Mexican or Spanish sounding name Dr. Julio Gonzalez. This point had got me highly interested in the works of Wong Fu Production.


Presenting the Cute Girls Indicator(CGI) which is a team specially made to analyze new poses. I seriously think they add the nerd looking guy to make the other 4 girls much cuter. When Dr. Julio mentioned “Oh, we got cute guys too”, I think he meant “Oh, we got gay-looking-weird-batang-homosapiens-to-make-the-girls-more-cute too.”

The PPA-M GLFP (PPA-Medium Gay Like Fuck Pose)

See what I mean? The guy is just being placed as a joke in the video at times but thanks to him, the video seriously got me laughing my ass off while drooling over those cute girls. I seriously salute him for the bravery unless he really does pose like that then I’m speechless. For those who do not know what PPA-M means, watch the video and you will know. I encountered many posers and I think I’m one too occasionally, I should make a parody of this via pictures.


Wonder if anyone understand the joke behind this picture.

First off, introducing the LAI crew which stands for Lame Ass Indicator. From me clockwise would be Sean, Heng, Soon and Jasmine. Oh yeah, just like the video, we have a cute girl a.k.a the-cutie-which-makes-the-rest-of-the-assholes-looks-even-more-like-crap girl. You see, it’s necessary to have an element like that in order to make the rest of us outstand.


PPA-CU SP (Slapped Pervert)

Considering the high molestation and rape cases in Malaysia, I think it is better for all the guys to get a picture with this pose taken. Why? The victim can easily recognized these people even if they got away and poster like these should be made.

PPA-CU MFS (Middle Finger Salute)

I truly do not understand how did the mockumentary could missed out the middle finger salute which could be one of the most used pose besides the V sign. This is my most used pose in camwhoring be it in group or solo. *Gentlemen….. SALUTE* Flashes middle finger and yelled F-U

PPA-M PE(Photoshop Enchanced)

Nowadays, a pose considered incomplete without editting with Adobe Photoshop either by adding a background, removing the pimples, removing black eyes, enchancing breast, ass or dick, etc. If the girl is cute, poses cutely, adding background to enhance it is good in order to lure perverted uncles to eventually play facebook.

PPA-M BGP (Ball Grabbing Pose)

From the ‘V’ sign, evolution had taken place and soon posing with props to send certain message. What do the above picture means? It means this is how I grab boobs with a do-you-like-it face. And the pose can mean, I can handle BIG coz I like it BIG.

PPA-W CM(Cocky Musician)

It doesn’t matter whether you can play the guitar or not. Having a guitar and pose like a cocky bastard will tends to get attention either from the females or pissed off buggers that will kick you in the balls. This picture shows that even a lame ass guy can look quite ok as long as you are holding something make which makes you look smaller.


PPA-M SIITH(Stick It Into The Hole)

What proves to be more dramatic than the middle finger salute if not by having a corresponding gesture to it. A stick and a hole is an upgrade from the middle finger salute that can be done by 2 person. Doing it solo means you fuck yourself, or having too many sticks or hioles doesn’t sound right. Ignore how gay the two of us looks because I could not find any female willing to pose like that with me. I hope this doesn’t further disgust the girls.

PPA-W FPCJ (Fat People Can Jump)

What other better ways to pose than posing in a manner that no one will expect you to pose or even expect you to be able to do it?

PPA-M FPCF (Fat People Can Fly)

Soon: I believe I can fly~~I believe I can touch the sky~~I don’t care or mind how gay I looks~~spread my arms and bombs away~~

PPA-M SF(Shitting Face)

Enough with all the cute poses and faces. The IN thing is making the faces you make while shitting in the toilet. The expression projects out more feelings and is a face that everyone will made while baking chocolate cake.

PPA-M ECWNSCF (Enhancing Cuteness With Not-So-Cute Face)

It’s been a well known fact that in order to look good, you got to hang out with people who aren’t. What makes you think that the good looking chicks will hang around with bad looking chicks. the world is plastic and people are killing the world by this trick. Humans are the best props available. Guys don’t really pick the look of their mates because most of us are shits anyway and even bad looking bastards can got smoking hot sexy chicks. This phenomena can be observed a lot in Kuala Lumpur.


PPA-W SIL (Suck it, Losers)

1. Sean: The fuck face with crossed hands which is to tell losers that they can’t touch him
2. Soon: Very bloody cocky face facing upwards to tell them that he is the best
3. Heng: A big Prop over the privates which means “My dick and balls are bigger than yours, so just beat it.”
4. Me: Have you ladies seen anything this FINE before? Never mind the 3 losers beside me


PPA-M FOAAP(Face Of An Actual Pervert)

How to look and pose like a real pervert? Have a cute girl blindfolded to enhance your pervertisme while opening your eyes and mouth wide wide like a bloody maniac. *Somebody call 911, there’s a sick bastard in UTM*


PPA-M FGPP (Fucking Geli Pondan Pose)

I could not think of a better picture to end this post and also to redeem all the bad deeds I’ve done. This is the one picture than can make the 3 of the guys to forgive me and prevent myself from getting run over by a Toyota Fortuner, a motorcycle, being kicked in the balls by a girl or actually being “fendomized” by Ah Hee’s pupil. This pose was to show you that if you wanna show fucked up pose of others, get one of yourself out in order to prevent misfortune.

I never purposely took any pic for this post(including the last pic) because it would then be very unnatural and the fun is all gone. That’s all from me this time,. Please click on my ads or leave a comemnt before leaving. I hope I do not get my virgin ass targetted by any unneccesary humans or being labelled as a sicko by girls. I’m the greatest guy there is so please do not let my market value drop.

P.S: If I eventually still get run over by a Toyota Fortuner, a red motorcycle with AEH on the number plate, kicked in the balls by a girl or fendomized the “Ah Hee’s Style”…I hope any faithful readers to report this matter to the police and show them this post. The culprits are all here.

Have You Been High Today?

Author:

Some of you might know that I once took Literature in English Language in Form 6 and for those who don’t, now you know. I woke up this morning and the literature in me suddenly kicks in and inspire me to write a poem about my recent life. This happened before I even got time to brush my teeth or take a shit when all the ideas rushed into my brain. Here it goes.

Things seem so fine in the month of May,
I was naive and happy everyday,
Love seems so real and divine, Like a cup of wine,
As time goes by, Things could not be more fine,
Pearl of the Orient seems so divine,
Probably just because how fine we were.

Things start to seem wrong but I turn blind,
I was wrong and things were not so kind,
I finally understand that it’s only my mind,
Who’s been living in denial every time,
The betrayal I felt is not untimely,
It’s just me being fooled unconsciously.

Things began to rot till the end of May,
The melancholy was always in the air,
To let it go, is what they say,
And I realized something as they say,
They don’t understand me anyway,
Agreeing and keeping it within myself is the only way.

Time passes and the longing feeling went away,
I don’t owe it to anyone because they don’t care,
Friends that seems close to me are plenty,
But not to them and it’s only all in me,
I ask myself each and everyday,
Have you been high today?

I have not been high enough to call it a day,
I finally understood Tom Keats during his days,
I take a vow and pray to get high everyday
And that I would not let anything gets in my way,
Life is not over when you are alone but when you are swayed off your way,
Have you been high today?

This post is specially dedicated to those who had recently suffered a break up like a few of my friends and me. My definition of getting high means be happy and excited at least once a day let it be watching-movie-high, alcohol-high, sexually-high, shitting-high or becoming a sohai. The poem might not be good or filled with bombastic words but it roughly described what I’ve been through since May.

Have I been high today? Have I been high lately? Hell yeah, and I’m doing it legally. AND not because of porn like some people might think. May be some people might not even read this boring shit but forgive me fo going sentimental once awhile. I do not always look into a weird and dumb perspective of certain things. Before I end this, let me share one more thing with you guys.

Does this cactus of mine look a a dickhead with a bigger head and slimmer bottom half??

P.S: Okay, I’m back to my crazy self…..

Unwiped Ass Fetish????

Author:

It makes me happy whenever people comes visit my blog to read my craps. Getting people to comment over my posts is more than happy, it makes me proud. Getting strangers to comment and read my blog….truly fantastic. One of my best friends Wai Ken often reminded me how posts with many words usually drives people away from my blog. I too agree to his statement but I do know that there will be a lot of people who is just like me who like to read long posts as well.

However, there is this particular thing that makes me dumbfounded and speechless. I do not know whether to laugh my ass off, scream in disgust or close down my blog indefinitely. I was looking through FEEDJIT tracks for people who visits my blog. Basically, I wanted to know what type of people usually come across my blog and I discover THIS….

Look carefully at the second line..

A clearer view

Why the fuck my blog will come out in search result for UNWIPED ASS FETISH?? Why would someone in the right mind to categorized my post under fetish porn site and of all fetish, UNWIPED ASS!!! This RM1 story seriously need some reviewing for I do not remember typing the word “UNWIPED”, “ASS”, and “FETISH” linked together….I am not surprised if people found my blog by searching for shits-cleaning-aunty-fetish but not unwiped ass. For those who might somehow be blurring, unwiped ass fetish meant that people who get turn on by looking at ass with shits on it.

These people lived in the world where toilet papers are taboo and smelly ass is the ‘IN’ thing.

Nice to know people that surfs porn eventually end up in my blog….I do not know whether to be happy or to knock my head to the wall..May be I should blog about shit-eating-fetish, should I?
There is such porn available over the internet AND DON’T ASK HOW I KNOW ABOUT IT? I DO NOT HAVE THAT FETISH……

Hello Singlehood…

Author:

First of all, I declare that i do not really write about my personal life in my blog as I do not really thinks that readers would appreciate reading too emo things from me. As some of my friends would know, I had a really difficult time which I do not wish to elaborate further. As I just recently became single, I became more publicly “kap lui” and also I had noticed many things that I did not.

First and foremost, if you guys are a fan of The Butterfly’s blog just like I am, I guess you people would know how he mentioned that good guys don’t really score with girls. From what I had been through, I couldn’t agree more to that as we as a normal human being, born to judge a book by its cover. This post will be on how crappy is the term “good people are often taken”. It’s just that you didn’t bloody bother doesn’t mean we are taken.

If you are a good guy in deep but you look like shit, the most possible outcome when you start to introduce yourself is the other person would not even remembers you. How about a good looking guy? I think all good looking guys will have problems starting a decent introduction as they do not have much practice doing so because girls will swim towards him to introduce themselves. I too know a few good looking guy friends of mine who had girls swarming for them and I do not need further proof of how Butterfly was right about it. As long as you looks good, everything’s good. If you are good looking but at the same time stupid, just shut up and act cools and chill, the girls will rush over you like Loius Vuitton is having a sales.

If you tends to be a retard, shut up and act cool…works better than you thought

Girls, let me ask you. How often do you turn down guys who seems to have a good personality by telling them how good you two were and wish you two could be friends? Guys, if someone who looks really really fucked up confess to you then how many will stand up like a man and try to accept them? Guys would accept ANY girl that are as hot as Megan Fox even if she sleeps with every known stranger or kills your whole bloody family. Girls would definitely fall for good looking guys at much ease. Somehow, each and everyone of us felt that they deserve someone good looking. I recommend you piss in a cup and look at yourself if you do not have a mirror at home.

I’m not declaring I’m fucking good looking like I normally do with friends. They know me so they know what I mean when I said that. If you are not, then you are in the not so good friend. In fact, I had stated pretty how much I look like a bloody triad member.

I know some girls might be protesting this and said that’s not all in order to impress. So to be fair, I list down the few points that would impress girls(besides looks) based on what I had read in FHM interviews on HOT HOT women and CLEO. (Yeah, I do bloody read CLEO at times so stop laughing your ass off). The following points might be good for impressing a girl but I am not responsible if my facts are entirely wrong. It’s just means that you are too bloody stupid and desperate to believe what I wrote
1. Confident but not cocky
2. Humorous but not over crazy
3. Attentive towards them
4. Must be interested in them but not desperate
5. Able to say the right things at the right time
6. Don’t talk too much without letting them to talk
7. Do not show off or brag
8. Do not go too fast or force them or stares at cleavage too long
9. Don’t appear stupid
10. Stop with corny picky up lines but some girls still like them
11. Do not ever gawk at other girls but I think is an exception if Megan Fox is stripping nearby
12. MOST importantly, tell some jokes and NOT make a joke of yourself
So much points and this proves that girls are hard to pleased and never get satisfied. I hope my market value would not drop after this post. hahaha

But seriously, if a guy does all that but in the end looks like shit and short like hell, chicks won’t even consider the possibility of dating them at first meeting. Guys are the same as well. We would get interested in the first meeting if girls met the following points
1. Good looking
2. Hot Body
3. Dress sexily and i mean SMOKING SEXY
4. Doesn’t talk too much or too loud
5. Never reach beyond this point…SEE…we are just soooooo easy to understand

We are just normal humans so we just wanted what SEEMS nice so if you are ugly or short, the chances of being noticed during first meeting is slim. I might not been picked or chased girls enough to make any judgment but my observation and conversation with most people already made me realized this matter clear enough.

So I look at myself and wondered. I’m not tall which meant that girls are likely to ignore me for a date. Seriously, I knew some girls that are short but they want their bf to be at least 175cm above. This seriously kills my pride. I had read before that only less than 5% of the female population would not mind having a shorter boyfriend. If girls below 165cm(I’m 166) too only wanted their bf to be well over 175cm, I could imagine all the Hobbits stabbing each other to fight for a willing poor girl or majority of them turn gay.

However, last Saturday when I went to Sunway Pyramid, 8 out of 10 couples I saw are either the gf is at the same height or taller than their bf. Either this is a bloody early April Fool prank played on me or dating shorter guys is the new black. Had my time arrived since I’ve already broken up? Am I wrong about the perception that girls prefer taller guys? Had the girls finally realized the principle of the “L-Theory”? What do you think?

Tall maleShort Male

Go figure this “L-theory”. Hint is height is relative to our *ehem*weapon*ehem*…

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 2

Author:

This is one of the funniest incident that I’ve heard in my whole life. My brother told me this story for quite some time ago and even before I started this blog. So, I do not know the actual conversation but only a rough wan. But what I’m about to write really happened and I’m not shitting anyone about this unless my brother conned me about the truth of this story. I do not know the people involved here but I hope you guess will enjoy this story as I do.

This 2 friends were in a trip to somewhere which required quite a long journey and I assume they were in some “kampung-like” place. As they were driving along, the following incident took place.

A: Dude, I wanna tell you something
B: What?
A: I feel like shitting..
B: What the fuck?? We just passed by the petrol station. Why don’t you say earlier la…
A: Haiyo…That time no feel yet ma…Seriously, I want to shit already
B: We gonna reach our destination in 30 minutes time. Tahan la.. Now cannot see any place with toilet also..
A: Fuck..I cannot tahan liao…Stop roadside for me settle la…
B: Ok ok..I don’t want shit smell in my car also..

B stopped his car by the road side while A get off and settle his business. 5 minutes later, A came calling to B while still covering himself.

A: Eh, you got tissue with you ah?
B: Huh? Don’t have le. My car no tissue le.
A: What the fuck? How am I gonna wipe my ass?
B: Use leaf la. So many.
A: Fuck you. The leaf so small. Not big enough la. And I cannot find any dried leaves nearby.
B: Shit. how ah?

Pause momentarily…

B: Eh, you got RM 1 with you right now?

A: Got ah..Why? Here where got shop sell toilet paper wor?
B: Haiya…Not ask you go buy toilet paper la..
A: Huh? Then? wait….You mean…….What the fuck…Need or not? Money le….
B: If not? What to do? No tissue la. That’s your only choice. Use already then wash. Can use back lo…..
A: Fuck la…Sure or not…I dunno about this…Using money le…
B: then? You wanna leave your ass unwipe ah? What other choice do you have? You got better choice then you say out la.
A: Arghhhh…Fuck it…Ok ok, I’ll do it

Moments passed and A came limping back..

A: Eh, Dude…RM1 not enough le
B: RM 1 not enough then use another RM 1 or use RM 5 lo…..What so hard wor?
A: FUCK YOU LA..WHERE GOT SO MANY SMALL CHANGE?
B:?!?!?!?!?!?

Apparently A had used this….

Instead of using RM 1 notes to wipe, he used 2 50 cents coin to scrap the shits off his ass hole and ass crack. Naturally, B laughed his ass off while screwing his friend for doing that. After the whole ordeal, they went to a restaurant. They cleaned the money up and uses them on the spot. I would not want to go where they had went…

Creative people finding a whole new meaning and usage of money.

P.S: The whole incident really took place and I did not made this up. The actual comversation might not be fully correct but it is 100% identical in terms of contents and meaning. I just retold the thing according to how I remembered my brother told me. hope you people enjoy this posts.

Motorcycle Rides Will 100% Lead To Sex

Author:

I didn’t knew of this until today. Apparently, students in UTM will likely to get hook up as long as they are riding a motorcycle together. Motorcycle rides will definitely equals to sex. Damn it, if I knew of this fact earlier, I will definitely sit for a motorcycle license and bid goodbye to my *ahem* collection *ahem*. This is how the situation is likely to be…

Boy: Come, let me fetch you back to college

Girl: Sure..

(half way through the ride)

Boy: Damn, I feel horny. Must be the sound of motorcycle engine and you talking loudly behind my back is turning me on.

Girl: Yeah, me too. The back of your helmet is soooooo sexy. Let’s fuck.

Boy: Wookay…..(park the motor aside for a quickie)

DAMN, if I know is this easy, I’m gonna get one motor and ride around UTM looking for a lonely girl to fetch.

What?

What do you guys mean that I won’t get guaranteed free sex by offering them rides?

What do you girls mean that you don’t find the way with our helmet on looks cool?

If I had my helmet on, I could be anyone you girls like me to be. From Orlando Bloom to Johnny Depp, from Justin Timberlake to Rain. If you girls have your helmet on, I would definitely imagine you to be Megan Fox, Jessica Alba or Yuma Asami. You were saying I do not have the body or height to be anyone of them? Well, so do I and I think we can definitely compromise here. Things are not always perfect… XD

No wonder motorcycle rides are so exciting and the majority of people here owns one. If you still thinks that I’m bullshitting about this, well, I HAVE PROOF. Apparently motorcycle rides leads too easily to sexual fantasies and sex, some people in UTM used their valuable lonely times and launch this campaign.

UTM SAY NO TO BONCENG!!!!

Apparently these ppl had found out the main factor(DAMN IT!!) that leads undergraduates into having sex are motorcycle rides. To put in simple form of mathematic equation…

1 Boy + 1 Girl + Motorcycle = SEX

They are so sure of it that they launched a campaign to BANNED such act among students and these group of people are taking matters into their own hand by asking people to sign their petition. When I first found out about this, I do not know whether to laugh loudly or to be angry over their stupidity.

They first go on preach about the moral standards in UTM, religion, sex and bla bla bla. To prevent such thing from happening, BONCENG IS NOT ALLOWED!!! I didn’t pay much attention to much of the preaching as they are very predictable the moment you read first few lines of the blog. What I found amusing was a student doing it with the cleaner lady statement. This is my reaction to that statement.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So what if people have fetish for cleaner ladies and they get turn on by the sight of an aunty cleaning toilets? What does that bloody got to do with motorcycle rides? Do the student even owns a motorcycle? The motorcycle does not even come into the equation of this whole thing.

The student will not goes like “I do not have an motorcycle or I am not allowed to bring a girl on motor SO I do not have a fetish for aunty washing shits off the toilet bowl.

I do not know about you people but I seriously do not think that banning motorcycle rides can eventually cure fetishes or LOVE. That’s the job of a psychriatist and not banning on dumb minor things. They seems to put in a lot of effort and thought into this whole BONCENG matter but instead of being selfish, have it crosses their mind these few points?

1. Banning this will eventually leads to many people do not have a more convenient of transportation and have to always rely on the ever unreliable UTM buses and taxis.

2. Students are poor and could not afford to get their own transportation and have to rely on others.

3. Some classes extends till 10 at night, having group discussions till midnight, a function till midnight(take Majlis Puncak Perdana for example) and so on so on. Around these hours, there are no buses around which eventually leads to students walking back to their hostel. Imagine this, girl walking alone midnight can eventually lead to 3 situations. Safely back but end up being too tired, being raped or robbed and encounter of the supernatural. Are these people implying that the moral standards among students should rate higher than the safety of these students?

4. Does it mean that guy could not ftech guy and girl could not fetch girl too? There is no doubt groups of gay and lesbians exist in UTM. Won’t motorcycle rides eventually leads to unnatural sex?

5. Less motorcycle rides equals to more taxi rides. Thanks for helping to burn the students’ wallets. I bet everyone is as rich as people who do not mind this.

These people claimed that they did this for the good of the students and university but for me they did it based on their selfishness. How bad can a motorcycle ride be? They are saying that we are very closed minded by going against this campaign. They are the ones that are closed minded. It had never crossed my mind of wanting to have sex with girls i fetch on my motorcycle. Everytime i fetch them, I just did it out for the sake of helping them instead of fucking them. What kind of morons would think of sex with anyone they fetch? Will they think of sex with their mom if they fetch them on motorcycle? They are the ones having a narrow mindset by implying and making assumptions that everyone thinks like them.

They preach about their religion and so on and have they ever thought that not everyone are as unholy as they think. It’s true that the moral standards here is not what they hope to be BUT motorcycle rides DO NOT contribute to that much. If they wanna do it, a simple call for taxi, walking, and even UTM bus ride can result in the same situation too. Can they guarantee that by banning this shit can eventually leads to drop of at least 50% in terms of immoral activities? I thought religion taught them to be wise but why not using all the wisdom in figuring out these things?

Do they even ask the opinions of the non-bumiputeras regarding this? Simply imposing rules without considering our thoughts and opinions is definitely going against the teaching of learning to respect other religion teachings.

Do they really consider enough regarding the possible negative outcomes of this rules? Are they sure that the rule will bring more good than bad? What if imposing this rule did not change anything? How can they even afford to repay us? Do they think that they can just get away with all this if their initial plan failed?

I am risking the wrath of many by putting up this post. I seriously think that the real reason behind the group of people who started all these are lonely people who gets easily jealous seeing happy couples. If you people have your loved ones with you, will you ask them take a taxi over to somewhere while you take the motor to that specific place? If dating is wrong, then what’s the point of marrying? Do they really want to prevent love from happening?

If they said that dating around this age is wrong and we should stick to the conservative and traditional way then PLEASE study your history. People in the olden days used to get MARRIED AT 16 or even 12 and you people saying DATING AT THE AGE OF 20+ is wrong? I bet there will be a lot of people that are UNHAPPY with this post then I’ll just say FUCK YOU. What makes you people think that you can simply write out and say your thoughts out and I CANNOT DO THE SAME? WHAT makes you people can simply tell others that WHAT YOU PEOPLE THINK IS RIGHT and you can get UPSET when I simply just do the same as what you guys did?

Preach and say all you want as I’m expecting HATE mails and comments for this post.You people have your say and now I think I deserve mine. I do not insult anyone but I just said out what I think is horribly wrong just like you people did. If you guys get offended and tries to bring me down then please go back to the Stone Age and eat dirt for having such a narrow mindset. That’s all for now as I do not wish to further waste my time on you guys.

P.S: From the words of Russell Peters…”BE A MAN, DO THE RIGHT THING!

Idiots At Their Best Series Part 1

Author:

The world is full of idiots. I’m serious when I made this statement. How often do you people grumble at the sight of an idiot or a slightest hint of idiotic behavior shown by your peers? Everyone is an idiot including ME. I’m not trying to make a statement where everyone is an idiot except me…I’m a realist and I speak what I think is more likely the case to be rather than drowning myself in delusions. I think it is a good share among my fellow readers regarding idiots or idiotic event that occurs in my everyday life.

For part 1, I’m gonna share with you people an encounter with an idiot which eventually become a punchline joke among Soon, Heng and me. This is how the encounter goes.

As we were walking around the newly opened Jusco in Taman Bukit Indah, we came across a Phiten retail outlet. For those ignorant people out there( Don’t worry, I was one ), Phiten had invented these type of bracelets, necklace, straps and so on that will balance your mind and body. It draws out the maximum potential of your ability which means you can play sports better, carrying things much easier, able to maintain freshness and hopefully FUCK better. Basically it balances the charge around your body and prevents fatigue from occuring too often.

This is Phiten…

Datuk Lee Chong Wei wore them…See the necklace?

Being a bunch of curious Industrial Design students, we decided to walk in to inquire about the product and also hopefully know how the hell a bloody string can help us do so much. I was hoping for something more. May be this could eventually lead to MULTIPLE ORGASM that men could not achieve? May be I could fuck for hours and have no problem bedding more than 5 women at once? May be I could make my mark as a legendary pornstar that could fuck for hours and filmed 10 different porn movies in a day? If I found out the secret, I could eventually create my own brand and distribute them to porn stars? Yeah, I could hear you guys yelling at me for being an idiot but it’s nothing compare to what happen next.

I broke the multi-million question to that guy and the conversation goes like this….(the actual conversation is in Mandarin but I am a banana..translate the whole thing to Mandarin and it would be much nicer)

Me: What is the technology behind all these products?

Promoter: Pardon? What were you asking? (either my Mandarin was bad or his Mandarin was bad too)

Heng: What is the technology that make people who wear this can be like that? In terms of engineering and material, what make them possible? We want to know what kind of technology is it….

Promoter: Oooohhhh…(and I QUOTE) Technology is Technology

We: Huh?!?

Promoter: Technology is technology…I explain to you all also you all won’t understand. It waste our time….So we just call it TECHNOLOGY……(smiles and smirk as though he just struck an lottery)

We: ……..

Heng: Yeah, that’s why i ask….what technology?

Promoter: Technology is technology….There is no definite explanation, that’s why we call it technology

We figure it’s impossible to converse anymore…Heng continues to entertain him while I walk off….This IDIOT is a fucking pro and genius is using his idiotic reasoning to make us feel like COMPLETE IDIOTS……I feel like a complete idiot for even asking…There goes my quest for men’s multiple orgasm…….

The truth behind Batman’s coarse voice

Author:


I wonder why do Bruce Wayne wanted to change his voice to a coarse tone every time he changes into the night crusader, Batman. Seriously, with his face covered like that, isn’t it enough to fool people? Clark Kent merely take off his nerd glasses and comb his hair backwards……wah lah….no one recognizes him and even Louis Lane….She was even shocked to learn that Superman was indeed Clark Kent… Wooooo….BIG Surprise with a BRILLIANT Disguise!!!

Although changing his tone to much coarse sounding tone, people could have just analyze his tone and with little time, they could detect the voice belongs to wavelength…changing into a coarse tone won’t change Michael Jackson to Clint Eastwood…

Soft sounding King Of Pop….May he rest in peace…Mr. Clint Eastwood with his coarse and tough guy sounding voice..

Besides that, with the wealth and technology that Bruce Wayne has…It wouldn’t be too difficult to invent a voice changing machine…having the Batmobile invented, I do not think that would be much of a problem either…

BUT!!!!!!

What if the voice wasn’t intended for it to be like that?

What if there was no intention or need to change the voice at all?

What if the voice changing wasn’t part of the plan AT ALL??????

WHAT IF BRUCE WAYNE DID NOT EVEN TO CHANGE TO HIS VOICE AT ALL BUT COULDN’T HELP IT THAT HIS TONE CHANGED?????

The mystery was FINALLY UNCOVERED WHEN I SAW WHAT COULD BE BRUCE WAYNE’S BIGGEST SECRET OF ALL TIME OTHER THAN THE IDENTITY OF THE NIGHT CRUSADER, BATMAN!!!!


BATMAN LOVES TO HAVE A BIG STICK SHOVED UP HIS ARSE!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, after seeing this is in SUMMIT USJ today(I didn’t know the Bat Cave was nearby!!!!)…I couldn’t help but think how this may contribute to his voice…WITH THAT STICK UP YOUR ARSE, I bet there will be a lot of screaming that needs to be done….After all night of screaming, I guess it sure do will affect your throat somehow….I BET Alfred has a hand in helping it up there…The conversation should go like this….

Bruce: Alfred, could you give me a hand?
Alfred: Master Bruce, you want me to do “that” again???
Bruce: Yes, Alfred….ooohhhh how i crave for it….COME Alfred, Let’s not wait shall we??
Alfred: Er…Whatever you need, Master Bruce…

The following Content will be Parental Advisory…Please do not proceed reading if you are a minor, a sensitive Batman fan who could not tolerate this kind of crap from me or someone who finds this post a waste of time…..Thank you

Alfred walks up to Bruce Wayne who already had his pants down and arse facing upwards. Alfred flung out THE BAT STICK!!!!! Then will all his might, he blessed Bruce Wayne’s Arse with it…..And Bruce goes….

Bruce: ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSS ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH URRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH ARRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Alfred: Do you like that Master Bruce? Is the size and tempo right?

BRUCE: AAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGG YESSSSSS ALFREEEDDD YESSSSSSS THAT’S RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SHHIIIIITTTTTTTT, THE BAT SIGNAL!!!!!! FUCK THE TIMING!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, they said shit happens during the most unlikely time…..Therefore, I conclude that Batman’s throat was bloody SORE from all the screaming…Most of the time he must have rushed dressing up, which explains why he WEARS his underwear on the outside…..Since he love the sensation of getting his arse filled so much…..he dressed with that thing still very well up his hole…..Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk…..

The view of Batman Coming Out from his dressing area with something still very well misplaced….Guess he will remove it after getting his cape on…Wonder what those kids will think playing around this place ESPECIALLY on that BAT STICK….

Fancy some Fancy Noodles?

Author:

I remembered that I was just a kid back then(hairs at certain area still not completely grown finish), when my dad brought the whole family for a treat at this place. He promised us that this will be one of the finest and tastiest meals that we had ever eaten. Indeed, the noodles are so uncommon at first sight. I never spotted such noodles over here in Subang Jaya and no need to say, even in Skudai. The first thought that went through my mind when I first saw this place. “Where the fuck are we going? How the fuck hell will this place will have nice food?”

When I walked into the restaurant, I beginning to doubt my father even more. Only when the food were served, I knew I made a mistake. My father was right and the food taste so good, I still drools over it even after all these years. I really should try to remember the proverb that goes “Don’t judge a DVD by its cover, it may contains the best porn ever“…..

Enough of the crappy introduction, me and my brother head over to Old Klang Road in desperation to satisfy our craving after all the years. We managed to made circles around that area and still wonders why that place is so darn hard to find. Eventually we got misled by this dude on the phone who goes by the name YW….

YW: Go opposite Yan Yan that area, all the way straight you can see the post office(I’ve read that the restaurant is near a post office)…Then the restaurant is behind there..
Me & My Bro: Wooookayyyy….*eyes glittered up as we are near there*

(After 15 minutes of rounding)

Me: Where the fuck is the post office?
My Bro:Wait, I ask that guard…..Bang, Sini ada post office ka?
Guard: Itu peti surat sini ada…Post office besar tu tarak…Itu mau pergi OUG sana baru ada

Me and My bro got stunned seriously and drove off…However we saw some stalls by the roadside so we figure what the heck, and we just moved on to check out all the stalls…We were down and frustrated as we cannot locate the place BUT THEN…..I saw a sign pointing towards SRJK Choong Wen directly in front of our car and i remembered seeing a blog that says the shop was located near that school…I called my brother and we two went over to look around and WE FOUND IT!!!!! The shop already closed so we decided to just come back the following day…

We went there this time with Gavin. He apparently claimed my brother woke him up and force him to waste a pack of chicken rice..but…I dun think me and my brother cares…hahaha My Brother was telling gavin al sorts of cock stories in the car and here is some of it..

My Bro: I must eat this Shu Fun today no matter what…I think God is giving me a sign to go eat it. It is my destiny to eat this and I must fulfill it….
Me: I did told you that may be that place open till 3 only right?
My Bro: Yeah…If it closed then we come back tonight…I must eat it TODAY no matter what…my destiny is waiting to be fulfilled

Cut short the crap….Ever wonder why we were so stupid to be unable to locate the place? Let me show you… Here’s why….

Saw where the Wira is…that’s my brother and Gavin standing in front of the ENTRANCE to the shop…What? What backdoor? Still wonders why we had a hard time finding it?
Remember this bloody gate…Turn into it as u go along Old Klang Road…It’s located before the turning to Kuchai Lama
The interior of the shop…pure classic…swt…..

Ho Chiak logo and also many newspaper cuttings around the shop…I wasn’t lying when I said the food kick ass…..
First we have this Fried Tapioca Noodles…Shu Fen Kan…I think that’s how to translate it…hahaha Don’t worry..those are not worms

Fried Pak Kor….It’s actually white rice sticks…Looks like Fried Kuey Teow? Who needs Kuey Teow when we had Pak Kor? Tastier and seems more natural…
Oat plus pork ribs and then DEEP FRIED….My personal favourite

I seriously recommend those ppl in KL and had never tried before Fried Tapioca Noodles…Get your ass up and head over this place in Old Klang Road which opens from 11.30a.m. to 3p.m. and then 6p.m. to 9 something p.m. (That’s what the worker there told me…..) First time doing a food blog….Leave me some comment and click my ads….>.<

One of the Greatest Love

Author:

Have it ever crossed your mind that LOVE do comes in all sorts of form and most of the time, in a surprising way? The thought crossed my mind every single day without fail which usually followed up by tonnes of unanswered questions. One of the greatest love of my life is also one of the greatest mystery of all time. I often wonder how the love emotion linked the both of us despite all the differences that we had. Her very appearance doesn’t really appeal to me ESPECIALLY when she cries. My appearance is somehow also not her ideal which I too wonders why…

She’s not the type of woman that I like and when i said this, I DO MEAN IT!! I could find tonnes of flaws within her and I could just simply named a few in record time. I hate her stubbornness most of the times especially when she thinks she’s right even when she’s clearly in the wrong. We had tonnes of arguments in the past and usually left unanswered and magically vanished in matters of time. I even remembered the cold wars we had which lasted for a month long or may be longer if I’m not mistaken. Her ego and my ego are just like Robbie Keane and Fernando Torres which means no matter how good we are, we could not blend well together. I could not forget how she mistreated me and how unfair she was towards me. Sometimes, we just hated each of our presence and wonders why do we still stick around. Sometimes, a simple word from her could make me frown all day and also days that we had nothing to say. How awkward our relationship is and also the rough times we had could simply outnumbered the amount of views in Susan Boyle’s youtube videos.

How bad can our relationship goes? Most of the time we disagree with each other. When she poke her nose into my private affairs, I really hated her. When she tries to request something from me, I often thinks she’s overboard with it but APPARENTLY she don’t. Sometimes I hate talking to her as though I’m speaking Greek and she’s speaking Spanish. Our differences varies and we hate what the other person likes. she always thinks she’s correct and I always appear to be the wrong one EVEN if I argue with someone else instead. She never really shows me any support and I do not know how to support her.

She yelled at me countless time as I shut my mouth when in the end she magically claims that she never yelled. I always almost had a heart attack everytime she drives and she seems like to have heart attack even before I start my engine. I could not stand her voice but yet will not get bored of it. Each fight we had always end up me giving up trying to knock some sense into her. Each time I try to find a reason not to give up, she’s always there to become that reason. I hate her and yet I love her. I always wonder what type of fate could bind us together and everytime I’m being pulled away from her, she will reels me back.

She had made many sacrifices which I did not knew of and the love that she had for me is greater than life itself. She did not realise how much I love her and most of the time, she seems to give up on telling me how she feels. This post is specially dedicated to you, My Greatest Love and I’m not sure if you will ever read it. I have difficulties in expressing my feelings for you which is actually a surprise with an outspoken nature I had. So, I’m gonna embarrassed myself in this post just for you by saying all mushy stuff and readers that doesn’t like it, you can just close this page and before u do…PLEASE CLICK ON MY ADS XD !!!

I Love You, Mom and a very Happy Birthday(9th July) to You

Your sacrifices are clearly shown from your thin and frail body. Your countless headaches reflects your worries over this family. I will never forget how you always end up bringing things I forgot. I will never forget how you make cold jokes which resulted me being stunned speechless. I will never forget how you beat the crap out of me especially when I’m young and always end up running crying towards grandmother who protected me all the time. I will not forget and love how hard you tried to make ends meet by working and taking care of us at the same time without employing maid(that’s why I don’t like maids).

I will not forget how hopeless I was once and how upset you were about me. But I do hope you don’t forget how I always find you when I had nightmares during young age. I will never forget how late you stay up beside me when I’m sick and how happy you were when I get good grades. However, I will also never forget how you whoop my candyass if the results are just slightly above average(she had too much expectation on me that slightly above average is never enough). I could go on and on and on but I think that’s enough for now.

No matter how different both of our characters are, it is a fact that your are the Only mother for me. The days we fought are countless but the days we had are priceless. IF you think arguing with me is bad then look at the bright side, AT LEAST I’m talking to you..hahaha I talk when I cares, I shut up when I don’t really give a fuck..(If you read this then you will know that your son is a serial curser) I’m sorry for the sins I’m done and thank you for the love you had shown to me. The only thing I wish to change about now is I would wish to change my attitude to be able to communicate with you more effectively. Apparently, I inherited your stubbornness and I could not do anything about it. I also inherited dad’s inability to express love properly. At least this proves that I’m your son and will always be and proud to be. Thank you for all that you had done for me, I’ll always pray for the family and once more…

Happy Birthday and I love you, Mom….

About The Blogger

I'm a digital marketeer, visual story teller and designer who is determined to live my life to the fullest.

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